Produced and released by Tyche Vidcast Syndicate, The Life Egregious is a 'sit-tragi-com' promoted as a reality holo show. It follows a group of four individuals of practically nonexistent moral character as they attempt to weather the brutality of a galaxy that makes no sense whatsoever. The show ran for four seasons from 2186 to 2187.
Despite its nihilistic and vaguely Dadaist worldview, its extreme and nearly-constant portrayal of graphic violence, its borderline-schizophrenic mood content-wise, and the dubious nature of its 'reality' component, The Life Egregious swiftly became Tyche Vidcast Syndicate's most popular production. By the halfway point of Season 1, viewrates had more than quintupled the previous TVS crown jewel, Tortuga rom-com I Can't Find Your Fucking Legs, Goronak, and the subsequent glut of merchandising revenue had pushed the corporation into a dominant role in the non-Citadel entertainment industry.
(in order of team membership)
Yevgeny Alfonso ibn Ahmad as-Sayf (Eightball)
Sapient trafficker of multiethnic origins: his father was a Dabawi Arab and his mother was Russian, but he occasionally mentions ancestors of various other nationalities, which to date have included Italian, Japanese, Hungarian, Brazilian, Castillan, and Romani. (This may provide some explanation as to the bewildering scope of his linguistic abilities.) Lead singer of post-folk-tronic jam band Masticating Box, notable for a set at Rock For Salarians in 2179 where they mistook a dalatrass for a groupie and caused a diplomatic incident. Co-runs the nightclub franchise "Casa de Cachaça" in Nos Astra, alongside Pirouette. Likes red sand. Really, really likes red sand.
Phaedre Kyala (Phobia)
Asari ex-huntress from Illium and former enforcer for the Citadel-based La Vita Nuova. Violently unstable murderer with psychopathic tendencies and extremely poor impulse control; as such, she is kept heavily medicated at all times for the safety of the team and the people they interact with (for what little good it usually does). Commonly carried the entire load of combat duty for the team by herself until the introduction of Tethys Reave. Relies mostly on assault weaponry and biotics, but prefers to use a pair of retractable glove-mounted knives for up-close encounters. Starred in the Tyche spinoff "The Kyala Diaries", with her near-constant suicide watch serving as a viewer participation lottery, until 187 shanghaied her back onto the show.
Jarak Shar'Teil (187)
Batarian information-technology specialist from Cartagena Station. Ostensibly serves as de facto team leader, but is generally overruled in everything he attempts, due to a combination of lacking combat skill and possessing the closest thing to a semblance of morals in the cast. Disapproves of essentially everything the team does or encounters, but comes off as reluctant to leave them in light of the fact that they seem content to accept him (a commodity he values, given the overlapping trouble he had as an openly-homosexual batarian on Cartagena). Spends a majority of each episode either speechless with bewilderment or on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and reaches the breakdown threshold roughly once per eight episodes. Works the standup comedy circuit when not filming.
Aractis Amborix (The Hidden)
S1E1 (sort of)
Kexaknan assassin with an extreme nationalist streak. Died offscreen prior to the season premiere in a tragic whining accident, and was quickly forgotten by the rest of the team.
Jak'Gathi nar Thundercats (Elvis/BLÜDGÜNN)
Quarian indentured servant belonging to Grand Executor Menekhotep Tran'Darvas, and commonly an adversary of the team after their split with the latter. Despite having the resources of the Fortune 5000's #1-spot company behind him, he tends to fail spectacularly in everything he is assigned to do, possibly due to his total lack of combat ability, crippling Asperger's syndrome, and fanatical obsession with human pop culture from the early 21st century. After a traumatizing incident with a pair of hanar separatists, he became BLÜDGÜNN, the grimdark avenger (note that the only actual change was his installation of a vocal modulator in his suit, which rendered a large portion of his dialogue mostly-incomprehensible), but abandoned this persona in the aftermath of Season 2. Guest starred on Dynasty Maker 2 prior to being eliminated from the show due to nearly causing a fatality among the network personnel (his unceasing discussion of the Portal series caused his interrogator to attempt suicide by gunshot, although the salarian was saved via immediate medical attention). Rejoined the team for Season 4 at the insistence of TVS Chief Operations Officer Declan Xavier, although he was implanted with restraining technology that shocks him whenever he makes a reference to the 21st century, and notably became the first quarian to have sex with a robot since probably sometime pre-geth war.
Subject R-6 (Tethys Reave)
Drell blood-priest from Rakhana. Claims to be over eight centuries old and personally visited by the gods, and generally demonstrates the martial prowess to back his claims up, if one chooses to overlook his glaringly obvious insanity. Currently has a higher on-screen body count than the rest of the show's cast put together, due to his propensity for appearing in the middle of a difficult situation and resolving the plot by massacring everyone in sight via overwrought arcane means. Clearly possesses some kind of superhuman ability, including powerful biotics and extraordinarily advanced resiliency, but refuses to elaborate on the full extent and nature of these abilities without devolving into blood-crazed religious mania. Prefers to use knives, but can improvise his weaponry if children are available. His forceful personality and vicious tendencies earned him several sponsorship deals, including the role of Jammin Moxie and advertising rights for Moon Chips. Usually accompanied by alarming, bombastic theme music when he enters or leaves a room.
Chloe Veronique Beauchesne (Pirouette)
Con artist, information broker, and occasional circus clown (it pays for travel). Eightball's on-and-off girlfriend/nemesis. Wanted in several systems for defrauding influential (read: wealthy) asari bureaucrats, without any actual benefits to show for it because she tends to spend money as fast as she gets it, between flights of whimsy and nursing several chemical dependencies. Tentatively joined up with 187 to help provide him with needed intel, and was essentially shanghaied onto the team shortly after by extenuating violent circumstances. Somewhat saner than her proximity to Eightball would suggest, although heavy narcotic abuse has clearly taken a toll on her ability to estimate personal risk. Co-owns Casa de Cachaça with Eightball.
Seriously, who is this guy again? I mean, the name's on the list, but I have completely forgotten.
Episode Guide (Season One)
Each episode of The Life Egregious is prefaced with a short description - the perfect tool for the obsessed "fan" who finds stripping any meaning from the show and separating it into little boxes "entertaining."
S1E1: Pilot Episode
Galactic premiere. The team introduces themselves for the viewing audience, then gathers at the Flying Pilgram to figure out a way to raise money. Against Phobia’s objections, Eightball takes the team to Aratoht on a ‘liberation run’, where they encounter difficulties with the regional governor. In order to avoid punishment, they are drafted into what Eightball calls a ‘secret mission’ and the rest of the team calls ‘fucking ridiculous’.
S1E2: For King And Country Matters
Sent to investigate a derelict space station with Chief Slave Elvis in tow, the team soon uncovers shocking knowledge about an impending threat to the galaxy itself. However, the Systems Alliance is also looking to recover this information, and the man they sent is the type who believes hard. An unstoppable force meets an immovable object as the two sides collide head-on.
The team lands on Modran to formulate a plan, but Elvis accidentally sees a female turian up close and is traumatized into uselessness. To fill in for him, Eightball hires a moody salarian with no grasp of pronouns. But in the wake of Eightball's throwing an Alliance cruiser into the sun, the team is targeted by an itinerant mercenary group who have taken it upon themselves to dispense vigilante justice to the galaxy. Will Elvis recover from the shock in time?
S1E4: Cult of Personality
With their smuggling arrangement ruined by the BULWARK attack, the team takes up odd-jobs around the city with varying degrees of success. The lowest degree of success goes to, unsurprisingly, Elvis, who is drawn into the web of intrigue surrounding a cult which consists of one turian standing in an empty room talking to herself. As the cult's diabolical plot comes to fruition, it's up to Eightball and company to save their teammate--and the rest of the Abyss--from whatever the consequences may be (we can't actually tell, they're sort of vague).
S1E5: Hunters Gonna Hunt
The team books passage back to Cartagena Station to spend their newfound earnings, but Menekhotep Tran'Darvas has placed an absurdly huge price on their heads, and two bounty hunters board their transport in an attempt to collect on it. Violence, as per the norm, follows.
Still trapped aboard a drifting cruise ship, the team receives unexpected aid when a passing ship stops and boards their vessel. Unfortunately, it turns out to be a ship crewed entirely by hanar separatists, who insist on converting everyone to their cause, or barring that, making it impossible for them to discuss anything else to the point of destroying the signal-to-noise ratio. As hanar separatism becomes a hot-button topic among the inhabitants of the doomed ship, the question becomes less of whether the team will escape and more of whether they'll be able to slog through daily interactions.
S1E7: Sufficiently Advanced Technology
The team's efforts at surviving on Dying Slowly are almost immediately hampered by multiple sources of difficulty. Eightball having saved the red sand instead of the food is a start, but things get worse when the team picks a fight with the wrong nation, and even worse when an inexplicable drell wizard performs an unusual transplant on Phobia and Eightball. It's a race to restore the status quo before everything is permanently locked into chaos.
S1E8: Götterdämmerung (Or: Buying Slowly)
Season Finale. Tethys Reave's reign as undisputed sovereign of the general Carcer Valley / Gallows area comes to a screeching halt when Menekhotep Tran'Darvas, still seeking vengeance over...something, purchases the entire planet of Dying Slowly. The crazed and intensely petty multihojillionaire then contracts BULWARK to make an all-out assault against our trapped protagonists. It's a desperate race to make it off-world before the bounty hunters and paragons of vigilante justice catch up with them, and to make it off, they may have to ally with the absolute last person they want to.
Episode Guide (Season Two)
Season Two continues the tradition of Season One, supplementing episode descriptions with a setpiece of artwork or flavor text. It helps considerably to set the tone of the episode.
S2E1: The Clockening
Swiftly running out of places to dock, the team hides out on Korlus and tries to figure out how to regain their source of income again. Eightball visits a mysterious physician to get over a hangover and learns that he has a terminal illness. In his haste to find a cure, he does not stop to consider that the physician in question may have loyalties to a transparently sinister higher power and may also, in fact, be totally lying.
S2E2: la vie, phobique
One night in the life [ERROR: DATA CORRUPTED]
Hired to search for a space station that may not even exist, the team begins to follow what few clues they have, only to discover that Elvis's team is one step ahead of them. Even worse, all signs point to the next piece of the puzzle being on the civil strife-torn colony of Helios. Dodging through a civil war between the Illuminated Primacy and hanar separatists, the team races against time to discover their next destination before Elvis does - and more importantly, before the hanar can find the opportunity to talk for more than ten seconds at a time.
S2E4: Waltz Me Around Again, Goronak
Directed to an out-of-the-way nook on the Citadel for their next clue, the team goes out to find it, but is once again beaten to the punch by a thoroughly changed Elvis. During the search, 187 discovers a utopian community of batarians living in peaceful harmony on the Citadel, and must choose whether he wants to continue with the search or settle down with this inexplicable and reason-defying, but appealing, society.
S2E5: Wish Upon a Dead Star
The accumulated clues lead not to a mythical lost space station, but to an abandoned orbital platform drifting in the Titan Nebula. The team is left to search for further answers, but once again, Elvis has beaten them to the area and has a head start. Infuriated by these repeated incidents of inexplicable competence, Phobia resolves to find the source of Elvis's information and discovers that the truth is more complicated, and significantly more obnoxious, than expected.
S2E6: Reap the Whirlwind
Having docked with the deserted, treasure-laden space station of Shambhala, the team (under guard by Tran'Darvas-Charakt Galactic's men) embarks on an exploration. After encountering the security AI, they descend further, and quickly discover that the space station is not treasure-laden, and more importantly, not deserted.
S2E7: The Last Exarch of Shambhala
Separated from the rest of the team, Tethys Reave cuts a bloody swath through the administrative deck in search of answers. The answers he finds, however, challenge him on a level he was not expecting, and at the end of the road, an old acquaintance steps forth to settle a long-awaited score.
S2E8: By the Time I Get to Phraxus
Season Finale. It's a straight shot from the team's position to the train that will take them back to Shambhala's entrance, and from there to the ship so they can jump back. Standing between them and the ship, however, are a horde of ascendants, the entirety of BLÜDGÜNN's operations squad, fifty terabytes worth of pissed-off AI, and the greatest assassin who ever lived. A pulse-pounding thrill ride that will keep you on the edge of your seat.
Episode Guide (Season Three)
Season Three continues the description/picture/flavor text tradition set by the previous two episodes, but fails to add ways to increase atmosphere on an episode menu. Film school dropouts (and obsessive-compulsive amateur deconstructionists) were not amused by this inspirational slump, and and as such call this season the worst of the three.
Unsurprisingly, this season was the highest-grossing production in Tyche Vidcast Syndicate history.
S3E1: Send for the Man!
Season Premiere. Fresh off the Citadel after filming the Dynasty Maker tryouts, Phobia and 187 attempt to buy a new ship on Galatana, but the local branch of the United Clans Army has chosen that particular time to cause trouble. Tethys Reave finds himself in a swiftly-building arms race with the UCA chapter's leader, who wields an unexpected and formidable weapon. Eightball accidentally invents an extranet catchphrase.
S3E2: Musical Episode
Having acquired a ship, the team heads to Nos Astra to visit Phobia's parents. While the first day goes fairly well, she quickly becomes embroiled in a romantic triangle involving her childhood friend and an envious rival. The rest of the team takes it upon themselves to show her the power of self-confidence and help win the day, under considerable protest from Phobia herself.
S3E3: Non Amo Te, Sabidi
Down to three people for the first time in a long while, the team gets caught up in a kidnapping escapade involving the returning Sertaline. However, when they trail to the kidnappers to Ontarom and confront Sertraline in person, they quickly discover that not all is as it seems, and that they're in way over their heads.
S3E4: Hey, Rube
The team opts to hide out on Nodacrux in order to put together a plan of action, reasoning that the commotion created by the Crescent Moon Carnival will be sufficient to conceal them. Things briefly go according to plan, including the acquisition of a new team member, but it swiftly becomes apparent that Doctor Fell is not as easy to evade as 187 hopes, and this time, he's brought friends.
S3E5: The Passion of the Tunnel Mice
Having hitched a ride from Nodacrux, the team travels to the undercity of Bom Nari, hoping to infiltrate the Tran'Darvas-Charakt Galactic headquarters and persuade the Grand Executor to call off Doctor Fell. However, the undercity is sealed off due to civil unrest between vaguely-messianic tunnel-running urchins who can do no wrong and the absurdly evil government officials who want to enslave them. Despite not caring in the slightest about the conflict, the team's interest in getting out of the undercity inevitably drags them straight into it.
S3E6: Tripping on the Light Fantastic
S3E7-8: One Fell Swoop
Season Finale. Two-part episode. The team infiltrates the Harathi Towers in an attempt to convince Grand Executor Menekhotep Tran'Darvas to call off his assassin. Tethys Reave invents the "cat o' nine kids." 187 learns that sometimes you have to stop letting yourself be pushed around.
Episode Guide (Season Four)
The final season features several bizarre and seemingly-hamhanded twists in the narrative, all of which are repeatedly ridiculed by the cast. It appears that Tyche Vidcast Syndicate, not content with the success of the show, attempted to impose an external plotline onto the previously-unscripted format. Results, particularly at the planned ending of the series, varied.
187 is abruptly whisked away from his performance at a comedy club and informed by Declan Xavier that he is needed to combat the threat of the Holovision-devouring Squee. Elvis rejoins him (to 187's considerable dismay) and the two begin putting a team together to get through the season, starting with Phobia.
S4E2: The Stolen Throne
Having successfully located Phobia, 187 travels to the city of Anraleth on Sekenth to get her back on the show. Unfortunately, a civil war is going on in the city, and the Squee arrive in the middle of it, leaving him trapped in the midst of a three-way shoot-out with a stupid arbitrary choice at the end. Elvis attempts to serve as a substitute Reave and is beaten mercilessly by Phobia in a segment that broke several ratings records. A deadly Tran'Darvas fembot is unleashed upon the team, with dire consequences to come.
Crossover with Cartagena Patrol . The team visits Cartagena Station to meet up with some old friends. Phobia learns how life is on the other side of the badge, while 187 deals with John Cougar Mellencamp, a legendary cybernetically-enhanced katana-wielding ninja assassin sent by the Squee. He is very fortunate in that he does not fight this joke of a person, win, and then watch a cutscene where he instead loses. Meanwhile, Elvis gets a cybernetic implant that makes him very unhappy and Cyberest-Hlaf utilizes the deadly Tran'Darvas fembot to fulfill that last summary's warnings of 'dire consequences'.
Tethys Reave lures the team to Rakhana , where he unveils a divine superweapon, the Colossus of Shima Xion, and attempts to destroy them with it. Elvis is revealed to own a giant robot. Notable for a contest that required entrants to deliver one of Reave's lines (a convoluted, tortured, and distinctly quarian mess of a sentence that no actual person would ever say) that briefly brought down several Tyche servers due to the sheer volume of entries.
DLC episode . Nothing of value happens, and what does happen will never be referenced again, but you are expected to pay fifty credits for it.
The team approaches the intended endgame of The Life Egregious , but it does not go as planned. 187 learns that if you give a poorly-thought-out, half-assed ending to a legion of broken people who tie their self-worth to an entertainment product, there is bound to be a backlash. Declan Xavier's son explains the Stockholm-like relationship between holovision companies and their fanbases. Tethys Reave acquires theme music. The future of Tyche Vidcast Syndicate is called into question.
Series Finale. The late Declan Xavier's fortune reverts to the man who last possessed it: Grand Executor Menekhotep Tran'Darvas. Travelling to Omega in order to relieve him of that fortune, the team discovers that Cerberus has taken control of the station. In order to get what they want, they must extract their hated enemy through a horde of terrorist ground troops without being shot or, worse, annoyed to death. Tethys Reave upgrades his theme music, while 187 turns an appraising eye upon the quality of his situation.
In 2186, undeterred by the impending Reaper apocalypse and the grisly death of two successive Chief Executive Officers, the Tyche Vidcast Sydicate launched a multimillion-credit media campaign revolving around the fifth season of The Life Egregious, creating enormous, bizarre advertisements precisely as Reaper forces descended for the final death knell of Sentientkind. The show was poorly-written, using a cast clarly chosen for their similarity to their predecessors, and was universally panned in the first days of Reconstruction as critics and audiences alike had more important things to do (such as defying the imminent fall of civilization).
This ratings avalanche was further encouraged by the original TLE cast. Freed from their contractual bonds and adored by millions for their participation in the war effort, they leveraged their collective social power towards boycotting the new show (and, indeed, any show owned by the Syndicate). #TorpedoSeasonFive became a universal hastag overnight, with those few active viewers reporting that the pilot show was on par with Emily Wong's final broadcast as a harbinger of doom, and the resulting impact on TVS' stock resulted in the corporation's eventual buyout by a single, particularly obese krogan.
Only two episodes of The Life Egregious Season Five were ever shown to the public, and despite the enormous media campaigns surrounding them, no copy of S5E1 can be found. Oddly enough, the final six minutes of S5E2 (featuring the highly violent dismemberment of the new cast by Tethys Reave) had one of the highest viewer membership ratings of the decade.
Epysode Guide: The Reunion Egregious
In the year 2189, life has stabilized for the Life Egregious cast (save for those non-canon members killed off in S5E2). Eightball has checked into rehab and is now the proprietor of the Casa de Cachaça. 187 has entered the stand-up world, filling one or two seats in an empty auditorium as a mediocre comedian. Phobia has burned out spectacularly, undergoing a lobotomy that has rendered her an emotionless shell, and is now used as a sex object for multiple DDS shows. Pirouette and Reave have entered the Stunt Comedy world, filming I Lied, Holmes sketches for The Short Hour, and Elvis' husk-ified corpse has been quietly uploaded into a geth platform to ensure that nobody ever achieves true happiness.
S6E1: Executive Order
Unfortunately, none of them know the depths of depravity that their new employers will sink to. After discovering a budgetary shortfall caused by Dwick's extra-curricular activities, Terrorbyte immediately launches a new season - this time, by using the original cast (thereby creating a Reunion Egregious). Foreseeing the answer they would give when presented a new contract ("No," "Fuck no," and "Dogg that is crap from an ass you will be getting up your dogg ass if you are not to be vacating this domicile hence-meediately," respectively), the volus engineers circumstances where they have no choice but to accept - and sends them on their first assignment.
S6E2: The Most Dangerous Lunch
Now resigned to their fates, the Reunion Egregious enjoys a brief moment's respite...just before Elvis introduces his new crowdfunding venture and shanghais half the crew. Reave and 187 discuss morality and dietary habits, one of Phobia's new videos goes viral, and Elvis (fails to) learn an important lesson about reading the fine print.