Pornea abnian

The woman, the myth, the legend.

Pornea Abnian.

This elderly turian woman has become somewhat of a household name because of the staggeringly bad romance novels she writes, and yet people can't seem to stop buying them. No one knows who she truly is. Is she a troll? Does she truly think she is benefiting the galaxy by writing her biologically inaccurate smut? Who is Pornea Abnian? Rumors circulate, ranging from plausible to farfetched, and her mouth has remained sealed shut on the matter. Only time will tell.

Public Information

Veltana Abnian was born in 2117 to a happy military couple. She followed in her parents' footsteps, entering boot camp like any good turian girl at age fifteen. She fought in the First Contact War, losing her father and a sister to the humans. She retired at age forty-five, and for a long time, did not know what to do with herself. Then, it occurred to her: She must write the most shameless smut the galaxy has ever seen. And so, she started her journey towards the top.

Her first book, written eight years ago, was a small self-published novel called "Crossing Trenches". In it, a young human woman and a young turian man meet during the First Contact War and proceed to fall in love and have the best sex ever. The book was praised and scorned in equal measure for its frank portrayal of sex and its various inaccuracies.

She wrote a sequel six years ago, "Inside Enemy Territory." In it, main characters Roxanne James and Aultis Laedos face various prejudices against their relationship while still proceeding to have the best sex ever. Most notably, there is a scene where Roxanne and Aultis perform [CENSORED BY CERBERUS DECENCY PROTOCOLS] in the council chambers behind the scenes while the fictional council members speak of their inappropriate behavior.

With Roxanne and Aultis's story resolved, Pornea Abnian took a break for the Reaper War. Once her family was safe, she turned to the topic of the krogan genophage. She wrote a poignant short story about a human scientist and a krogan woman who fall in love and decide they want to have children. While the story had less sex, it was much more biologically ridiculous. With fan response to her short story so strong, she turned it into a full novel with no less than six hundred and eighty-eight pages exactly. The story ends with the scientist and the krogan successfully bio-engineering a human-krogan hybrid and living happily ever after.

Now "rolling in the dough", Pornea settled back and watched her empire grew. Rumors of a movie based on Crossing Trenches circulated. People were beginning to actively wonder who she was and where she came from. They wrote fan theories. She got ten messages a day about how her stories had changed somebody's life. In between, she wrote a series of short stories about a quarian and a volus collectively known as "Whatever Suits You". While not as well known, these stories have a very small and dedicated fanbase.

Her next target is currently unknown.

Active Rumors

  • There is a Crossing Trenches movie in the works. Now apparently confirmed!
  • Pornea Abnian is merely a cover story for the true writer, a human turian fetishist.
  • Pornea Abnian is currently dating equally renowned smut peddler Ivanna Fingler.
  • Pornea Abnian is just a massive troll working to trick everyone into thinking she's serious.

Fun Facts

  • The turian/human background couple in the "Whatever Suits You" stories are based off of Alesander and Eli on the CDN forums.

Select Quotes

"With the fervor of a wolf on the hunt, Aultis stared deeply into her lustrous vision spheres. They were as limpid and round as a pool on a cold moon's night." - Crossing Trenches

"And in her very military base, in a supply closet, with hundreds of her fellow grunts just right outside the door, they forged a human-turian union, with angles and curves joining together in the most glorious way." - Crossing Trenches

"There wasn't anything I could do, he took full control of me, like a true beast would when claiming their prey, no. When claiming their mate. The heat of his breath against me, before..... the nip. His sharp, predatory teeth marked me. I felt at ease.... with this primal beast at my side." - Crossing Trenches

"'Just one more,' he said. I nodded because my mouth was too full to speak.

'I bet you've never had this many marshmallows in your mouth.' I hadn't." - Crossing Trenches

"His talons scrabbled for traction, digging trenches in my sides like a passionate excavator. The drill of his love was spinning at full speed, ready to delve for the hidden treasures within." - Crossing Trenches


The Worst Book

It Is Upon Us: A film of Crossing Trenches is indeed in the works.

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