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DWICK (Jorgal Dwick)

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DWICK (Jorgal Dwick)
FennyAndLydia

Jorgal Dwick's purported twin cousin, Fenny, seen together with the former's current girlfriend, the Queen of Tattoos, at the 2189 Nos Astra Police Department Annual Fundraiser. (Image by Armax_Hammer)

Name
Jorgal Dwick
Species
Krogan
Age
~950
Date of Birth
~1250
Height
9'1"
Weight
"AW, HELL NAW"
Occupation
Warrior, Mercenary, Singer, Writer, Electrician, Media Mogul, CEO, General Freeloader
Location
One Dwickcast Tower, Nos Astra, Illium
Marital Status
None
Relations
Jorgal Freyt (Daughter), ~320 additional illegitimate children, post-war
Affiliations
Dwick Dwickcast Syndykyt
Character Status
Active

"FUCK DIGNITY, YOU THUNDERCUNT" - Jorgal Dwick, encapsulated.

Jorgal Dwick, AKA InfraStruct, is an old, fat, rude, crude krogan who has inexplicably gained control of a massive media conglomerate (formerly known as the Tyche Vidcast Syndicate) in the aftermath of the Reaper War. Rechristening it the “Dwick Dwickcast Syndykyt,” he has reaped the benefits of both the Genophage’s destruction and the Turian-Krogan Alliance, rocketing the corporation to success by selling to the public what can be charitably described as “lowbrow vorcha comedy.”


History

Little is known about Jorgal Dwick’s early years; he claims to be approximately 950 years old and the son of a “great warrior,” but the lack of birth records (as well as his parents’ alleged names, “Fouck” and “Kawk”) make these claims specious at best. Among other things, Dwick also claims to have “fought and won” against a congenitive brain disorder, that his father attempted to kill him out of shame, that he was saved from the culling by his half-brother Kafok, and that he spent at least a century on pre-Morning War Rannoch. Again, due to a loss in records during that part of Clan Jorgal’s history, this cannot be verified.

When Dwick originally arrived at the forums, he purportedly worked as an electrician at Port Hanshan, Noveria. In reality, however, Hanshan Administrators employed him to do external repair work and construction. They did this for four major reasons:

  • Krogan physiology and insulation required little external protection,
  • He was capable of performing delicate operations,
  • It kept him out of their hair, amd
  • If they were lucky, he'd fall through an iceberg and get out of their hair once and for all.

For 40 years, this last conceit failed to work. Indeed, during that time, Dwick became even more decadent in his lifestyle, for he had all he required and received more income from his nigh-snake person bank interest than he did working there. The only thing he was in short supply of was entertainment, which he managed to get anyway when experiments went awry.

A lifelong channer who repeatedly butted heads with the Noveria Communications Bureau over bandwidth issues, Dwick was an avid HV fan and enjoyed watching the more violent, Dadaist shows that were broadcast around the galaxy. Primary examples of this included The Life Egregious, though during the Pre-War forum days he'd been known to tune into Dynasty Maker if it promised to be particularly humiliating to its contestants. A large portion of his time was spent trolling the Cerberus Daily News Forums, taking particular glee in annoying the vehemently anti-krogan Lepantis Corvax - who he viewed as krogan in all but species.

Following the events of the Who Goes There storyline, Dwick took an extended leave on the Citadel - allegedly to gather important resource materials for maintenance on the planet's many facilities, but really for more malicious (and asinine) reasons. It remains unclear whether the NDC is outraged or relieved by this development. Following the cure of the Genophage and the Cerberus Attack on the Citadel (and the resulting commutation of his many misdemeanors and felonies), he traveled to Tuchanka with his unwilling partner in shenanigans, Terrorbyte, to aid the krogan in the Reaper War.

It is unclear what happened to Dwick and Terrorbyte between the events of Dwickcast Ep. 18 (see below) Crucible Event that knocked out the mass relays, though it can be established that at some point they were involved in the Illium Theater of the Reaper War. During the early stages of Reconstruction, he used funds acquired throughout his life to acquire a majority share of the Tyche Vidcast Syndicate, home of The Life Egregious and the krogan’s favorite media network. Rebranding it as the Dwick Dwickcast Syndykyt, he immediately hired TLE’s Season 1-4 cast as writers, and has since enjoyed a steady stream of revenue from the resulting HV shows.

Personality and Notes

Dwick's public persona is portrayed as exceedingly dumb. A slovenly, disgusting boor, he stubbornly sticks to his first impression of people; for example, he'll always think of the late Clint van Wallach as "Tran'Darvas rich," Corvax as the lovable son he never had, and the deeply intimidating Sirinic Scaramaji as simply "Steve, CEO of SteveCo." He also gleefully caves to his greedy nature, is seemingly incapable of feeling any deep emotion, and is almost always found with an impish grin on his face.

Privately, Dwick has proven to be competently manipulative, preying upon people's low expectations and subconscious needs to coerce them to join his "Syndykyt." His bloated physique belies considerable strength, and for years he managed to downplay his biotic abilities to the point that his cohort in crime, Terrorbyte, was completely ignorant of them. He has "confessed" private goals to Urdnot Branka, stating a militant interest in making the krogan a controlling interest in the galaxy, but how much of this is true has yet to be determined. His overt hedonism is not faked, however (as Lydia can attest), and he participates in grotesque overindulgence, in private and in public, whenever possible.


DWICKCAST

Before his acquisition of the DDS, Dwick released a series of self-directed shows across the extranet. These DWICKCASTs were poorly-planned and terribly executed; the subject material is legally ambiguous and always crass, to the point of litigation. Watching them was akin to viewing a overdesigned SUV crash into a propane silo. Cameras used for their recording were almost always destroyed in the process.

Episode numbers were utterly arbitrary; presented, therefore, are the videos he has released on CDN in the chronological order of their release.


[DWICKCAST EP. 317] DWICK, DRINK THE TUPARI

Dwick, on the urging of one Harrad Illum, procures a massive shipment of Tupari to see just how much he can consume in one sitting.

[DWICKCAST EP. 426] WITTY BANTERS’N SHIT

After being called out by one Juhani Alavirta, Dwick arranges for a debate between the two to take place on frigid Noveria. A certain other pair, unbeknownst to the two of them, throw their own wrench into the mix.

[DWICKCAST EP. 491] LET’S OPEN A BOX

After being pointedly left out of Aphin Protretho’s will, Dwick receives a package purportedly being his lawyer, stipulating that the contents therein are his to keep so long as he opens it in a public setting. Dwick, of course, adds his own laughter to the mix by doing it live in front of a restaurant he was barred from ever entering again.

New dwick 2 copy

Jorgal Dwick in his default state.

[DWICKCAST EP. 69] TER CATCH A BUCKET

Dwick exercises his trollish behavior to find a sexual predator on the extranet, explains the “tells” behind finding these particular individuals, and convinces him to meet in an undisclosed location (with the intent of “teaching” him the error of his ways.)

[DWICKCAST EP. 619] TUCHANKAN FREESTYLE

After breaking into Terrorbyte's apartment, living off of him and generally giving him hell, Dwick gives the irritable volus black hat a chance to throw him out - but only if he can beat the krogan in a rap battle of the ages. Eager to get the bloated bastard out of his apartment, the volus quickly agrees, and they both perform for the masses.

[DWICKCAST EP. 162] DAT'S SOME FUCKED-UP SHIT

Juhani Alavirta, unable to resist provoking the krogan into doing terrible things both on and off the camera, sends the krogan 500 credits with the stipulation that he "find the most fucked up thing on the Citadel and send it to [him]." Dwick, being the horrible sort, agrees, and shows everyone just what he found before sending it to him.

[DWICKCAST EP. 881] LOOKIE WHAT I GOT

Dwick becomes dejected that he's stuck on a no-fly list, for the Genophage Cure has been released on Tuchanka. Thus, when a gift appears to him a week later, he decides to share his good fortune.

[DWICKCAST EP. 999] TRIAL'A DER CENTURY=

Having finally pissed C-Sec off too many times on his short stint on the Citadel, Dwick finally stands trial for the actions he took during Dwickcast Episodes 881 and 69 - only to find that he (and his cohort, Terrorbyte) have their trial set for the most important day of Citadel history.

[DWICKCAST EP. 18] TUCHANKAN WAR STORIES

As the krogan defend the galaxy in the wake of the Genophage Cure, one krogan and his volus compatriot con fifteen Tuchankans to fight each other to the death - for the dubious "Prize" of becoming a Champion of the Kraangh Valley, a title which hasn't been held since his father's victory. Little does anyone know that a third party has entered the game, for reasons unknown...

The results are based off the results from Reapers XVIII.

Trivia

Dwick claims he was enslaved by (then subsequently cannibalized) a group of quarian slavers, was lead singer for the band ANAL LEAKAGE SUCKS, and is the (self-declared) record-holder for most Tupari consumed in one session, reaching 177 cans' worth over a period of 5.5 hours live (before his camera was destroyed by The Krogantua). It is unclear whether he continued consumption, or indeed how many of his internal organs were destroyed in the process.

Dwick loathes quarians, finding them even more a pitiful shell of their former glory. If someone points out the krogan's similar fate and both species' status post-war, he will casually point out that the quarians were useless without their geth and that the krogan earned their way back, then generally become deaf to further argument. Quarians wishing to discuss their sexual lives or quarian "hardship" can expect regular, thorough, unrelenting mockery.

Dwicknames

To date, only two people can claim that Dwick has honestly referred to them by name: Drau Lura (Lydia, AKA the Queen of Tattoos), and Urdnot Branka (AKA Armax_Hammer). All others can expect to be called by a variety of disparaging nicknames, such as the list below:

All Quarians - Buckets, faceplates, suitsacks, any number of epithets

All Turians - Spikebutts

All Volus - Kickballs

All Batarians - Blinks

Lepantis Corvax - Lawnmowers

Silel DesGarniers - Bitchtits

Aphin Protretho - Limbs, Frungy

Clint van Wallach - Mustache, Tran'Mustache

Sirinic Scaramanji - Steve (CEO of SteveCo)

Murtag Kirok - Short-Order Cook (coincidentally, the name of the varren he mailed Kirok)

Terrorbyte - Vents

Urdnot Nutanx - WHELP WHELP WHELP WHELP WHELP WHELP WHELP WHELP WHELP WHELP

The Krogantua - Wrasslin'

Aleksander Harris - Porn 'Stache

Harrad Illum - Charity Case

Emile Ó Bhroin - Spastic Clerk

Janice Proctor - Hairball

Albert Lowell - Screwball

Juhani Alavirta - Screwball Jr.

Wrazer - Steve's Delivery Boy

Mekan of Omega - Fatty, Stick, Tons'o'fun, Thunder Thighs

Hot Crimson Crest - Pet Killer, Useless

Job Larson - Paranorman

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